So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
