If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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