return my video game
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
