Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
