my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
sex in a hospital.. check
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
