Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize