so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
