her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Randomize
