i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
