no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
