I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
