When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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