summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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