I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
