Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Your tits are I can't wait for
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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