I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
