Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
After tacos, we're chasing women.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize