I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
