So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
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