spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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