Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize