She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
