They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
