half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
