it's like iHOP with fire
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
