So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
