Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize