How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize