btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Boobs are out for the taking
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
