I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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