Just fell off a train. Bad.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
