haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
