a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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