The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
