Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
