you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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