I got her a Nickelback box set.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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