I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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