What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
