I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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