I'm jealous of your bromance
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
