This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
