my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
