So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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