Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Are my feet made of real feet?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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