I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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