Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
