At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
