I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
