I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
