You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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