I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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