I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
