nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Randomize
