I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
