If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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