okay pat passed out under dana's car
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
