yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
