i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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