Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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