Say something about gay babies.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
