Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
