Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
