the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
