The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
