so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
