She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
