What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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