we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just gargled with NyQuil
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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