I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we made out on top of his cat.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
