Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
