you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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