If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
