Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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