Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
