I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
