i would punch a child for taco bell
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
