there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need a beard to bite.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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